Getting Ready for You

First Pig Tails

2011-01-20T08:24:00.001-08:00

Meg has hair! I knew it would grow, someday. It is even long enough for little stick up pigtails. And, she hasn't pulled them out. What a day!

Home for Christmas!

2011-01-03T20:10:00.000-08:00

On Christmas Eve last year this photo brightened up my inbox.

But this year there were 5 kiddos in our living room! Yay!!!!!!!!!!

We were awake at 5:45 a.m. and I think Meg wondered what was going on!?

Isn't it a little early for kisses?

Meg meets Nana

2010-12-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

Our family travelled to Anchorage, Alaska last week for my Aunt's memorial service. Maren met my mom for the first time. She loved Nana! Nana loved her! Maren also experienced snow for the first time. I think she enjoyed it! When the wind met her face she got an excited look and she smiled. It's so good to have our island darling home to cozy up with for the winter.

Bye Bye Bitter Sweet First Year

2010-11-20T12:53:00.001-08:00

Marking Maren's first birthday is bitter sweet. It's sweet because she is home and we are celebrating this important milestone TOGETHER. And, look at her! Isn't she precious? What's not to love? She is thriving, changing, learning, and growing She brings so much life and joy into our home.

O.k., it's a little bitter because I'm not quite ready for her to be one! But ready or not birthday number 1 has come. We've only been together 5 months. Time is going a little too quickly. It still feels like we're trying to catch up. And, it's already time to say good-bye to formula (well maybe this is partly sweet for our budget) and hello to whole milk and an era of bottles and infancy is already beginning to come to a close. She is standing up now and I know walking independently is just around the corner. I love the baby days and I am grasping to hold on to them.

I cannot help but think of Maren's birth mom. This is also bitter. I am sure that she too is marking this important milestone. I am sure she is still mending from this huge tear in her heart.

I guess it's good that the bitterness of life is mixed with sweetness. It makes everything more palatable. And, it helps us look forward to our real home with our Father who will wipe every tear from our eyes.

Happy 1st Birthday, Dear Maren!

Recovering From The Toll of the Wait

2010-11-18T14:40:00.000-08:00

I was listening to a webinar by Karyn Purvis in preparation as we waited to bring Meg home. The good doctor was encouraging adoptive parents to take care of themselves so that we can in turn take good care of our children. She encouraged drinking enough water, taking a multi-vitamin, getting daily exercise, and dealing with the emotional baggage of your life through journaling. As she was elaborating on the stress of adopting she mentioned in passing the stress of the adoption process and specifically noted how grueling and taxing the wait can be. When she mentioned that I began to cry and I was thankful that she had included this little sentence in her presentation because it affirmed and gave credibility to the pain that I was experiencing as we were 1/2 world apart from our daughter.

That crazy wait wears on you! And, it takes time to recover from the wait after it's all over. And, the recovery is taking place as your adjusting to the new little bundle in the family and you're going through jet lag.

I feel like I am coming out of the fog of the wait! It feels good. It was worth it. And, it was hard. And, now I better get a glass of water, take my vitamins, and go for a jog.

I Know You Better Now

2010-11-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

Just looked through some of my photos that we received while we were waiting to meet Meg. I haven't done that for a while because I've been having too much fun with the real girl live! Looking at those pictures now brings different feelings. Ah, it's so good! I love her personality and I love that looking back I can see what was there all along but I couldn't recognize because I didn't know her yet. I know you better now, Meg!

Rejoice with Me

2010-10-16T20:44:00.000-07:00

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, "Rejoice with me!" Luke 15:3-7

It is so hard to find words adequate to express our joy. As I reflect on our Maren's home-coming this phrase "rejoice with me" captures what is in my heart. Our daughter is HOME! The lost is found. Rejoice with me.

Alex and I have prayed since 2003 that the Lord would set an orphan into our family. Many mornings at breakfast I would sit down with our children and we would ask the Lord to bring us a baby who needed our family. We would say, "we are available please make a way".

However, the whole idea of adopting seemed overwhelming. We wanted to adopt so much but it would take a miracle for us to be able to do it.

Finding His Hands Taiwan was a miracle. The fact that Maren was not aborted was miraculous. Financing our adoption was another series of miracles. Being matched with a birth mom who was such a perfect complement to our family was another miracle. All of these miracles has given us great hope that God is at work. We pray that we will all be in heaven together one day. We are so happy that God has provided miracle after miracle.

It is with this joy that we wish to invite you to rejoice with us on November 14, 2010. You are invited to Maren's first birthday party. We are holding an open house in Maren's honor at in our home on Sunday, November 14th from 4-7 p.m.

In lieu of gifts, we will have a basket available for anyone wishing to make a tax deductible donation of any amount to His Hands Taiwan, the orphanage where Maren received her care for the first seven months of her life.

We look forward to celebrating with you!

Alex and Beth

For friends at a distance who would want to bless Maren's orphanage the U.S. address is:

His Hands Taiwan

P.O. Box 404

Leakey, Texas 78873

You can write in honor of Maren Brodine on the memo line.

Love Her All the Time

2010-10-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

Maren is 11 months old today! We must be settling into a routine because I didn't even think about it being a mile marker until we were at the YMCA this morning. We still rejoice in finally having her HOME! These kinds of days were always so hard when she was on the other side of the sea. We never wanted to miss out.

I decided to have a little photo shoot with her this morning. I probably should've waited because it was nearly her nap time and she was not a happy camper. She needed to sleep. But some of her "sad" pictures were so adorable I had to share them. We love her all the time, happy or sad!

She dislikes hats, bows, or anything on her head. She is happiest when she is exploring and touching. In fact, it is hard to get her to look at the camera because she is usually so busy and so focused on what she is doing.

She loves Sam. They are buddies! He can't wait for her to walk and follow him around. (He may change his mind about that.)

She is beginning to laugh whenever we laugh at something. She wants to be a part of the group. It is super super cute! This baby has captured our hearts. Love you, Marenbella!

We Go Together

2010-10-09T08:10:00.001-07:00

Maren has been home for a little over 3 months. People often ask us how bonding is going. Some people offer commentary saying, "she looks like she has bonded now". This is our first adoption. We are newbies. We feel "bonding" is going very well. And, we believe bonding is not a one time thing.

Bonding is not something that can be calculated or comes to a definitive end. It is an ongoing process that takes time. It is about relationship and growing trust and love. We loved Maren so much before we ever met her. And we are more attached to her

today than ever. Tomorrow I believe we will know her a little better and our connection will be even stronger.

We have been very purposeful, intentional, and careful for the past 3 months with Maren for her long term good. This has not been easy. Our actions have only been with her best interest in mind. She needs us in a very special way. She needs to learn who her family is first. She needs to know that we are her primary caregivers and nurturers. We are different than other people.

I have learned a lot through my research on adoption and bonding. You can see a few of my favorite books if you click here. Also, I have stumbled onto an amazing website by a specialist in child psychology. I would also like to link that here. These resources are especially for adoptive families. However, I think there is a lot of wisdom here for any parent or interested person.

Our social worker recommended at our first home visit in August that no one outside of our family would hold Maren for 6 months. We have chosen to follow her professional counsel. Others who adopt make different choices and that is o.k. Each family has to do what they believe is best for their child.

When we made this decision it was not about other people and what they would think and how they would react. We are aware that some people have felt excluded. People are dying to hold this precious little bundle. I can't blame them! She's wonderful! We empathize with others and have not wished to hurt them. However, if we don't give Maren what we believe she needs, who will? It is not easy to ask friends to wait. But six months is not long in the scheme of Maren' life.

Maren and I are always together. This is one of my greatest joys. We are making up for the time that we were half a world apart. She is learning that Alex and I are here for her. We want to meet her needs. I have taken full responsibility for all of her feedings because I want her to know I am her mommy. I nursed our first 4 children and I want to give her the same priority, love, and commitment as her brothers and sisters.

Our house is not as clean as I would like. I am more tired than I had been before she came home. Alex and I are rarely alone. But, I don't have an ounce or a minute of regret. I am trying to fully soak in and enjoy this time which goes all too quickly. I can't believe we are so close to her first birthday!

Adoption is a passion of mine. Alex and I are praying and seeking the Lord about the future of our family. I would love to do this again some day.

Letting My Perfectionism Go

2010-10-06T17:39:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe how little I have blogged here since arriving in Taiwan! I had been planning to write every day on our trip. I thought I was off with a bang when I posted

"Camp Wannameechameg" from our Omaha hotel room the night before our departure. But once Maren was in my arms I found it very challenging to type one-handed. Blogging has had to wait.

I thought when I got home I would go back and catch up the blog. I wanted it to be chronological so I have been waiting to post anything current until I had caught up. Well, Maren has been home from Taiwan for over 3 months now and I am not caught up and catching up doesn't seem to be easy. She was sleeping when I started this post and now she is wide awake in all her cuteness and charm kicking and cooing and giggling as I type. So much for my plans....Maren is better.

♥ His Hands Taiwan

2010-08-07T21:07:00.001-07:00

Love these ladies!

Love this ministry!

Love the nannies!

Love the babies!

Love the mommies!

Love the Lord for his leading!

Please click here and learn more about His Hands Taiwan! Pray for them, love them, bless them! Be a partner in what God is doing.

I am jumping a little ahead. This photo was taken at our last meal with Holly and Trena. All I can say is I didn't want it to end. We were just starting to scratch the surface of getting to know them and their beautiful families. We will never forget them. We ♥ them.

United at Last!

2010-08-07T20:38:00.001-07:00

The end of our adoption story was a roller coaster. On Memorial Day weekend we received an email from His Hands Taiwan. They had called the clerk who had been assigned to our case to check on the status of our adoption. They did not receive good news. The clerk informed them that the home-study which had been completed on Maren's mother back on March 17 was invalid. The clerk said it would have to be "re-done". In addition to this Holly and Trena were having trouble locating Maren's mom. She thought she was finished with her responsibilities. Her phone number had changed and all of the phone numbers that they had for her were not working. In addition to that we learned that Maren was from Ping Dong county. Ping Dong has many social challenges. There is a lot of abuse there. It is difficult to rush anything through the social services office. It looked as though our adoption would not be completed for at least a few more months at that point.

God gave us a miracle! You can read that story if you click here and scroll down to June 2.

I share this background because the height of our joy came after a very dark low. Meeting Maren in June was a miracle that we will treasure forever!

We met Maren at the House of Hope. We wanted to come into her familiar surroundings, see what her environment was like, and ease into our hello. It was an amazing moment. It was just like I dreamed it would be. I imagined the moment over and over before it actually arrived. I envisioned that she would be happy and playing and I would sit down beside her with my camera in hand and soak her in. I was so happy to be there and to touch her.

Meeting Meg

2010-08-07T20:38:00.000-07:00

One of Our Happiest Mornings On Earth

2010-08-07T19:58:00.001-07:00

Alex and I love new places! We were excited from the beginning of this adoption that we would be traveling to Asia for the first time. When we were talking and praying about adopting and we learned about Taiwan Alex said, "Taiwan, yes, Taiwan, I like it. It seems right." It did not disappoint. It was right.

I woke up with a deep joy in my heart on June 19th. It was surreal. I did my best to soak in all the sights, smells, sounds, emotions. I am smiling just thinking about it.

The Novetel was the name of our hotel. The breakfast buffet was truly international. There were meats, cheeses, breads, croissants, Japanese noodles, English breakfast beans, Congee (an Asian rice porridge), eggs, bacon, juice, coffee. You name it. They had it.

People were very friendly and were interested in us. We were congratulated several times as we shared our reason for travel. It was delightful in every way.

After breakfast we packed up our things to catch the 8:00 a.m. shuttle to the High Speed Rail. We got to the lobby at 8:00 and asked the front desk where we should catch the shuttle. As we were talking the shuttle drove away. For a brief moment my heart sank. I thought our whole day might have just changed.

But.......

My knight in shining armor, Alex, hailed a taxi and we were on our way on schedule smiling from ear to ear.

We made it to the train station. Purchasing the tickets was easy. We were set.

By car I believe it would've taken us 6 hours to get from Taipei (in the north) to Kaohsiung City (in the South). But, the high speed train would get us there in about an hour and a half. Amazing!

The train was very clean and smooth.

We enjoyed the trek immensely. The landscape was interesting and beautiful.

We didn't really feel nervous. We were just excited!

We arrived at the Kaohsiung Train station at 10:06 a.m. Holly and Trena were waiting on us!

We loaded up our suitcases and were off to meet Meg!

The Night Before Maren

2010-07-15T18:15:00.001-07:00

We arrived in Taiwan on Friday night June 18. We moved through customs with ease and hopped a shuttle to our hotel. What a night! What a feeling!

I had been nervous about flying to Taiwan but it was an amazing trip. After arriving in the country and being so close to our baby girl I was over the moon with excitement and very relieved that the wait really was almost over.

Alex and I watched the U.S. vs. Slovenia game in our hotel room. We were grateful for the time to unwind, enjoy some soccer, and settle in.

A Tribute to Maren's Aunties

2010-07-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

It is clear to us that Maren received great care at the House of Hope and she was LOVED! It was very clean and small (meaning a great ratio) and most of all the babies are happy. They make good eye contact and have no trouble snuggling in to all the best places. All of these wonderful things didn't just happen. They are because of the hard work, selflessness, and love of some very special ladies.

Maren was a "high maintenance" newborn. I think she had cholic. She cried often. And, this girl has got lungs! Wow! Her aunties said they could hear her cry outside if she really got going. And, after only a week with her, I'm a believer. She is easy going most of the time but she does have a temper and she lets you know when she needs something.

Three cheers to Mary Joy, Glenda, Xiao Mei, and Jenna for giving Meg a wonderful beginning. She is adjusting well. And, we know you had a HUGE part in this. Thank you so much for sleepless nights, unconditional love, and persevering in your job. I know it must be very painful to give yourself to these babies and then let them go to the other side of the world. We will make sure Maren knows who you are as she grows! We love you and pray that God will bless you 1000x! We are praying for you. Thank you for loving and letting go. May the Lord be your strength always.

On Our Way!

2010-07-01T10:07:00.000-07:00

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—

where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

The Lord answered prayer! Thank you so much for praying for us and sharing this journey. We are back home now. God granted us safe travel to Taiwan and we are so thankful.

We left Holdrege, Nebraska on Wednesday night. We traveled to Omaha and stayed in a hotel near the airport so that we could leave early on Thursday morning. It was a beautiful day to travel. The flights to Denver and L.A. were smooth and seemed short knowing that a 14 hourish flight was coming.

The Lord gave us a special gift in a layover in L.A. A close friend, Rebecca, met us at the airport and took us to a local Starbucks. We enjoyed walking and talking. And, she sent us off with a blessing and a few gifts. It really was the Lord smiling on our trip and reassuring me that He was with me on the trip. He provided peace all along the way.

EVA Air carried us to Taiwan. Our 777 was comfortable and the crew was wonderful. They even gave us slippers for the journey. About hour 10 of the flight we wished we were there but really the flight went as well as it could have gone.

Welcome Home, Meg!

2010-06-27T19:06:00.000-07:00

Camp Wannameechameg

2010-06-16T20:49:00.000-07:00

Our family of 6 soon to be 7!

When we walked in the door at Dad and Mom Brodine's tonight we were greeted by Mom and Liz. "Welcome to Camp Wannameechameg!". With 7 kids all under the same roof and a dog it is like a camp. And, oh yes there will be "mess hall duty", "latrine duty", "team competitions", and I think I heard a rumor about prizes.

I just have to say the Brodines are creative! Reading that sign and learning of their enthusiasm to help us in accomplishing this life dream delighted me. It is hard to put into words. Thank you Dad, Mom, Gary, and Liz! We are praying for your 10 days! And, we hope you get a nice break when camp is over.

Please pray for the kids as we are away.

Adalynne is so sweet and tender. She was having a hard time. She cried some. It is a long time and we will be far away. But, she knows it is worth it. Please pray that God will use this to teach her already to depend on Him. Pray that she will have peace and joy. Pray that she will be a help and have a wonderful time.

Elie was bubbling over with joy. In the car she squealed a loud happy squeal and said, "I am soooooooo happy because Maren is coming home!". She already has songs and books ready to go.

Joe was smiley and chasing his cousins around. He too is excited for Meg to come home. And, he enjoys the moment. Today he is delighting in chasing Brooklyn, Amorie, and Juliette and making them laugh.

Sam is ready to be the "big brother" for the 1st time. He is soooooooo glad that Maren is littler than him. And, he welcomed today with open arms.

Thanks so much for sharing our journey with us. God is helping us!

7 Months Old and Coming Home!

2010-06-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

Praise God! Praise God! Praise God! Not too long ago I thought Maren wouldn't be joining our family until August or September. We had a set back but God worked a miracle and surprised us! I have been waiting to use this little blog title for a long time. I am so thankful to our Lord that the day is almost here!!!!!!

7 months and now the completion of our wait. I feel like a 10,000 lb. weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. *Insert Happy Dance here!

We will begin our journey to Meg on Thursday morning at 10:30 a.m. U.S. central time. We will be traveling Omaha, Denver, L.A., Taipei. We will arrive in Taiwan on Friday morning at 11 a.m. U.S. central time. We will stay in a hotel for about 12 hours to rest up. Then take the high speed train to meet our daughter. We will be united with her sometime around 11 p.m. U.S. central time on Friday night (which is Saturday morning in Taiwan). Please cover our trip in prayer. And, please pray for our 4 children who will be staying with G'ma and G'pa Brodine. I know they are going to have fun!

Thank you to all of you sharing this journey with us! You are a blessing. We plan to update our blog and share some updates on facebook as it is possible. However, meeting Meg is priority #1! And, I want to be fully there with her and soak every minute of this amazing story in!

Plans Pending, Please Pray

2010-06-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

The hardest part of adopting Maren for me is anticipating and making the 12+ hour flight to go and get her. Flying has never been something that I enjoy doing. I don't like being that high off the ground. If God brings it to mind please pray for me. Pray that God will watch over us and bring us safely home to the 4 kiddos we will leave behind as we embark on this incredible journey to baby #5! Pray that I will abide in the peace that the Lord gives and enjoy every part of adopting Meg. I want to soak all of this in! This is a life dream and I know it is soooooo worth it. I will not let fear rob me of this joy. God has been so good. He has been leading us all along the way. I know that He will not stop now. I know that He will be with us on that flight and His angels will surround our plane.

Our plans are pending. I don't like uncertainty. I like concrete plans. In adoption there is so much waiting and unknown. Just a little longer and we will be out of the "clouds". God in His goodness has been stretching us throughout this entire process to trust Him. We don't know what He knows or see what He sees. Who knows what He is working out? His ways are higher and His plan is beautiful. He is trustworthy!

We need an appointment with the American Institute in Taiwan and then we can book flights and travel. The American Institute in Taiwan will issue the visa that Maren needs to come home with us. It is a very important step. Please pray that God will give us an appointment very soon. And, even more importantly pray that God will bless His Hands Taiwan in their relationship with AIT and the people who work there. This is kingdom building work! Your prayers will make a difference for the good of children needing a way home to their families in the future.

Because it is summer plane tickets are hard to come by and very expensive. Please pray that when we receive our AIT appointment 2 tickets will open up at a great price. Also pray that we will receive a good route. God provides!

We will be meeting Maren's mother while we are in Taiwan. This will be one of the most significant aspects of our trip. Please pray with us that God will touch her life. We want our time with her to be marked by love. We want her to know the presence and love of Jesus. And, we want her to know how much we care about her. Would you please believe with us that God will meet us in a special way? God has given us a special love for this precious young woman. We long for Him to reveal Himself to her.

Thank you all so much for your notes of encouragement, prayers, and support! We all need each other and we appreciate you. We'll keep you posted.

I Peter 3:6, "like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

He Has Done Great Things For Us!

2010-06-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

On May 26 we received an email from His Hands Taiwan. It was not the news we had been hoping for. Our court date was February 24. Our home-studies were completed on March 17. Holly and Trena called the clerk in charge of our case to see how things were coming. When they called they were told that our birth mother's home-study was invalid. It would have to be re-done. It had been completed in the House of Hope and the clerk said that they would not accept it.

On top of this Holly and Trena were having difficulty reaching Maren's mother. They had 4 phone numbers for her. All of them did not work. Holly and Trena asked us to pray with them. They needed to find Maren's mom ASAP so they could take her to the social services office for an interview so the home-study could be re-written.

When we learned all of this I was very sad. I had been thinking that we would get word that Maren belonged to us any day. Instead we learned it would not be any day and it was likely to be a few more months.

We prayed earnestly over the Memorial Day weekend that the Lord would lead Trena and Holly as they would search on Tuesday. Our God heard and he answered in a mighty way. You can read that story if you click here. It is well worth the read!

At the end of Holly and Trena's miraculous day there was another miracle. Our first decree came in the mail! We don't know why this change occurred. It had to be our mighty God working for Maren! Praise Him! Praise Him! Praise Him! He has done great things for us and we are filled with praise.

Exciting update:

Today is Tuesday, June 8, 2010. We have just learned that Maren is officially Maren Xi En Brodine! That's right, we got our 2nd decree. We will be traveling soon! We'll keep you posted. Please pray for us. We are looking into travel plans. We need the Lord's leading!

Waiting In Hope

2010-06-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

Psalm 33:18-22, "But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."

Smitten By Our Sweet Girl

2010-06-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

God Sees Me

2010-06-01T19:34:00.000-07:00

Genesis 16:13 " So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, 'You are a God of seeing,' for she said, 'Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me.' "

To You (Hillsong)

2010-05-30T17:46:00.000-07:00

DESERT SONG ( HILLSONG)

2010-05-29T18:32:00.000-07:00

God Knows

2010-05-29T11:39:00.001-07:00

Psalm 139

Search Me, O God, and Know My Heart

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

139:1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

3 You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

4 Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

5 You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

9 If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,”

12 even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. [1]

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!

O men of blood, depart from me!

20 They speak against you with malicious intent;

your enemies take your name in vain! [2]

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?

And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?

22 I hate them with complete hatred;

I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts! [3]

24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting! [4]

God knows! It is mind boggling to try and grasp what He knows. He knows me. He knows Alex. He knows Ada, Joe, Elie, and Sam. He knows our family history and what makes us tick. He knows Maren. He knows her mom and her dad. He knows her history and what makes her tick. He is close to us here in Nebraska. He is just as close to Maren in Taiwan. It is too wonderful to understand! There is no where we can go that He is not already there. God knows. Oh for grace to trust Him more! Help us, Lord.

Wait for It

2010-05-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

Habakkuk 2:3, "For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay."

Thanks, Angie, for sending this verse. It does seem slow. I am praying for humility, trust, and grace.

She's a His Hands Baby and We're Glad

2010-05-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

We love His Hands Taiwan! Check out their new website. They have a place on the website for prayer requests, updates, and even a wish list.

Because He is My Refuge

2010-05-24T15:31:00.000-07:00

Last week I had a nagging question that would not leave me alone. If God is God and He is in charge and He is going to bring Maren home when He says it is time on His time table then why keep praying? I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I brought my complaints to the Lord. Finally, I listened.

Psalm 62:8, "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us."

Because He is my refuge. Because He is with me and for me in this adoption. Because this life is about my relationship with Him and not what I can get from Him. Because He carried my sorrows and grief on the cross. Because He wants me to share with Him and He wants to share with me.

Cowardly, wayward, and weak

I change with the changing sky.

Today so eager and strong

Tomorrow not caring to try.

But He never gives in,

And we two shall win,

Jesus and I. -Anonymous

One on One With Some Special Sisters

2010-05-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

Worry and Worship

2010-05-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

My sister in law, Lidia, is a huge fan of Ruth Bell Graham. She recommended I read the book It's My Turn. I picked it up on ebay for $2. It is a great read.

This morning I read a chapter called Worry and Worship. She starts the chapter with a quote by Bishop Moule. "There is no situation so chaotic that God cannot from that situation, create something that is surpassingly good. He did it at the creation. He did it at the cross. He is doing it today."

Ruth had been worrying about one of her children. She read scripture and prayed often and still worried. One night she read Phillipians 4:6, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." She realized "the missing ingredient" in her prayers was thanksgiving. And, "worship and worry cannot live in the same heart: they are mutually exclusive."

I feel like I go in and out of worship and worry. Lord, give me an undivided heart that I might praise Your name. I want to be a worshipper not a worrier. I want to trust you and thank you. This has to be Your work in me. I cannot do it.

Got My Eye on the Prize

2010-05-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

Maren, you are worth every second of this wait and more! You are the girl that we have been praying for. You melt our hearts every time we watch you on video or see your sweet face in photos! We thank God for you every day. Our God is for us. We know He is working and His ways are not our ways. They are higher. Keep growing and blossoming, little beauty.

Genesis 29:20, "So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her."

You've Come A Long Way, Baby!

2010-05-14T09:14:00.000-07:00

May (Mother's Day)

April (Maren with Xiao Mei)
March
February (Chinese New Year)
January (one of my all time favorites)
December (Christmas time on Jenna's lap)
November (Thanksgiving Weekend with the beloved Hatcher sisters)

It's after midnight now in Taiwan so it is the 15th. Maren is half way to her first birthday. She is 6 months old. She was 5 lbs. 1 oz. when she was born. Last week she was 13.6 lbs. She is thriving! I don't think she can sit up yet but she sure has grown and changed.

Please keep us in prayer. Pray that God will bring the decrees needed from the judge so that we can line up our travel. I still have hopes for May whether I should or not. I am so full of emotion.

Face to Face

2010-05-12T19:45:00.000-07:00

I am ready to meet my daughter in Taiwan. The dam of desire is at capacity and the rusty bolts can barely support the walls and contain the flood. I hate being her mom in my heart and being half way around the world. There is such a connection and care yet we are strangers. I feel like I am standing outside in the cold with my nose and hands pressed tightly against a glass wall. I see her but I cannot get to her. Other people know her better than I do. I want to experience her for myself in person and not just through second hand bits and pieces. I am a baby person in a big way. I love them! I'm missing it! Don't get me wrong. Maren is in wonderful, loving, capable hands. We are spoiled in receiving frequent updates and pictures. And, I am thankful that I am alive now. I've heard the stump speech several times from several good intentioned people about how blessed I am to be adopting in the age of technology. I know that if we adopted 30 years ago we would still be snail mailing everything and information would be more limited and probably unavailable. I am aware of how truly blessed we are to receive video and pictures so often many larger agencies don't give what we have been given. And, I want my daughter home. I love her.

I have wanted to adopt since 1996. We looked into adoption in 2004 but it was not the right time. We found His Hands in 2008. God gave us Maren in November 2009. She is worth every minute and every second of this wait. But, she has been in my heart a long long time.

People who have spent time with her have remarked about her eyes. Her eyes are beautiful and she seems to be a little thinker already. I can't wait to touch her skin and look into her eyes for the first time face to face.

Song of Solomon 8:7a, "Many waters cannot quench love, Nor will rivers overflow it."

Waiting for His Appointed Time

2010-05-11T15:57:00.000-07:00

My dear friend, Rebecca, sent this to me last night. It is soothing to my soul. I had to share it.

It is an excerpt from Streams in the Desert, May 24 by L.B. Cowman. (I'm going to have to pick up that book!)

The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations (Ps 33:11) But we must be prepared to wait on God's timing. His timing is precise, for He does things "at the very time" He has set. It is not for us to know His timing, and in fact we cannot know it - we must wait for it.

If God had told Abraham while he was in Haran that he would have to wait 30 yrs before holding his promised child in his arms, his heart might have failed him. So God, as an act of His gracious love, hid from Abraham the number of weary yearrs he would be required to wait. Only as the time was approaching, with but a few months left to wait, did God reveal His promise: "At the appointed time next year....Sarah will have a son" Gen 18:14. The appointed time came at last, and soon the joyous laughter that filled the patriarch's home caused the now elderly couple to forget their long and tiring wait.

So take heart, dear child, when God requires you to wait. The One you wait for will not disappoint you. He will never be even 5 mins behind "the appointed time." And soon "your grief will turn to joy" Jn 16:20.

Oh how joyful the soul that God brings to laughter! Then sorrow and crying flee forever, as darkness flees the dawn.

****skip some**** Some things cannot be accomplished in a day. Even God does not make a glorious sunset in a moment. For several days He gathers the mist with which to build His beautiful palaces in the western sky.

Some glorious morn - but when? Ah who will say?

The steepest mountain will become a plain,

And the parched land be satisfied with rain.

The gates of brass all broken iron bars,

Transfigured, form a ladder to the stars.

Rough places plain, and crooked ways all straight,

For him who with a patient heart can wait.

These things will be on God's appointed day:

IT MAY NOT BE TOMORROW -- YET IT MAY.

Counting

2010-05-10T09:54:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting here with a cup of Good Earth hot tea (one of my favorites). It is cold, windy, and rainy. The weather compliments my melancholy thoughts and feelings. I've already been to prayer this morning, jogged, and eaten a few Mother's Day chocolates in hopes of cheering myself up. It's helped a little but it's another hard day. I've been sitting by the computer too long, aching. I'm tired of the wait and the fight for faith and the unknown.

Court date was 11 weeks ago now. Homestudies 8 1/2 weeks ago. Maren will turn 6 months old on Saturday. Half of her first year will be behind her. School gets out on May 20th. Angie's coming home on May 19th. Mom and Ron are coming the first week of June. Gary and Liz are coming mid-June. Long sigh. Time is dragging. I really thought I might be holding her by now.

I continue to rehearse Isaiah 30:18, "Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him." I am not feeling it this morning but I am praying for faith to believe it. With His help I can keep going.

A Glimpse of Meg on Mother's Day

2010-05-09T16:21:00.000-07:00

The Farmers are in Taiwan right now with their daughter, Mylee! They spent 2 nights in the House of Hope giving the nannies a mini-vacation. This morning they sent a Mother's Day greeting from Meg. Here's the link!

Stephanie Fast

2010-05-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

I frequently read Noel Piper's blog. Noel recently attended Orphan Summit VI which is put on by Christian Alliance for Orphans. One of the speakers who came was Stephanie Fast. Stephanie was adopted at the age of 9 from Korea. She had been abandoned at a train station and then abused and left to die in a garbage dump. Some nuns found her. And, God brought a missionary couple to be her parents. Noel tweeted some things that she said in her time to share at the Summit. I keep going back to Noel's tweets and re-reading them. I decided I wanted to write them down here because they have been so meaningful to me. I keep thinking about them. I am praying over these statements for our family. I am especially asking that Maren will be adopted twice (once by us and again by her Heavenly Father) and I am praying Ada, Joe, Elie, Sam, Alex, and I will be adopted too. We need our Father's love and certainty of our adoption.

"There is no event in my life that I would be better without. "

"Just being adopted doesn't remove the orphan spirit. Only the 2nd adoption, with God as Father can remove that spirit. "

"Adoptive parent, you are chosen by God to be a voice in your child's life so your child can rise up and be a voice to other orphans."

"Why aren't more adult adoptees speaking out? Maybe because they still have the old orphan spirit & need to know God's adoption."

"My natural father never knew I existed. My heavenly father has known & loved me every second of all eternity."

"My country rejected me because I was biracial. God said, I have a place and purpose for you."

"Essence of orphan ministry: not ONLY caring for current needs, but looking toward a child's future and hope. "

"When I was introduced to Jesus, I didn't know how to take him, because I didn't know how to recognize love."

"When I was adopted at 9, I had every syndrome you hear about for older orphans."

"I do not want to be the orphan, the adopted daughter, who keeps the story of her 2 adoptions to herself."

He Continues to Provide!

2010-05-08T07:55:00.001-07:00

2 of My Favorite Books on Bonding

Becoming a Family

The Connected Child

When adopting the most important issue by far is bonding. One way we are planning to bond with Maren is through keeping very close proximity for several months. We will be making up for time away from her when she comes home. One tool we really wanted was a co-sleeper so she can be near us at night. The Lord has provided and we are so grateful. Some of my friends in the mom's group I am a part of on Tuesday morning surprised me and went together and purchased this co-sleeper for us! It attaches to our bed. Maren can be very close and have her own space. Thank you, Lord! And, thank you ladies! You have blessed us!

I Can Do All Things Through Christ

2010-05-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

I don't wish to be redundant but all I can say is adoption sure is full of ups and downs. Come to think of it I guess that is life. But, it seems like adoption is a season in life where they come close together. At least that has been my experience for a little over a year.

Yesterday when I woke up I was "up". Then I came out to the computer and checked my inbox, no news. All of a sudden a "down" swept over me. I stared at the computer and willed for something to change. I hoped as I sat there news would come. I posted a facebook status that said, "if staring at the computer could make something happen in the judicial system of Taiwan then Maren would have been home a long time ago." Then I deleted it. It just felt like a stupid pointless thing to say. Why did I say that?

Monday is Mom's in Touch day for me. I choose our theme each week. Yesterday I chose, "God Sustains". I sat at the table bowed my head while I waited for time to begin. Thoughts swirled through my head while I waited. "I can't do this. I can't wait any longer, Lord. This really hurts. When Lord? I just want to be her mom and I can't understand why it's not time yet." Tears came. I have been holding onto the verse Rebecca sent when my thoughts start to runaway, "The Lord waits to be gracious to me."

Time to start praying. Here were yesterday's verses:

Psalm 18:35, "You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great."

Psalm 54:4, "Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life."

Psalm 147:6, "The Lord lifts up the humble, he casts the wicked to the ground."

As we started to praise God I could clearly see my pride. Who was I to say, "I can't do this." What gives me the right to think "I reached the end of my rope."? Maren is the Lord's, not mine. The Maker of Heaven of Earth is my Help! His ways are not my ways and His ways are higher, better.

He is my Help. Help seems like a small word in English. Helper is the assistant not the main player. When we think, "you can help", we think of a small role we give to our kids or something. But, the King of Kings supports me with His right hand (the hand of His authority). This help is not small. This help is not trivial or insignificant. I don't want to be wicked and prideful and cast off by the Lord. I want to receive His help. I want to be a conduit of His strength. His strength really is made perfect in my weakness. I want His help. I want Him to lift me up.

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content, I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-13

Pray that I will believe that God is near. Pray that I will believe that He is working for me and for Maren. Pray that I will have faith at the end of the adoption and more importantly at the day of Christ. I want to stand unashamed before my God who stands with me. I want to hear Him say, "well done".

Do I want to wait longer? Of course not! But, what do I know?

Maren is Meg

2010-05-01T05:42:00.000-07:00

Maren isn't home yet. But already we have confused people with her name. :) Several folks have asked me, "Is her name Maren or Meg or Megan?". Her name is Maren.

Every time I had been expecting since Joseph back in 2001 we considered the name Margaret for a girl. Meg is a nick name for Margaret. (Honestly, I don't see how Meg comes out of Margaret but I have heard that it does.) Anyway, if we had named our baby Margaret we planned to call her Meg. Well, a few years ago we came across the name Maren which is a variant form of Margaret. It has the same meaning. And, we love the name Maren and we still like the nick name Meg. So, there you have it! Sorry for the confusion. Hopefully Meg won't mind.

What's the Lord waiting for?

2010-04-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

A sister of my heart sent this verse to me this morning. It is a response from my Lord to my pain and fears that I am praying He will help me believe and receive and cherish during this wait. If I come to mind pray this verse for me, please.

Isaiah 30:18 (Amplified Bible) “The Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to me; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on me and show loving-kindness to me. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship!]”

I've Got that 9th Month Feeling

2010-04-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the night before my oldest daughter's birthday. She is going to be eleven tomorrow. She has been an amazing gift! I am feeling reflective. On this night eleven years ago my brother and sister in law came over to our apartment for supper. Liz was going to be with us for the delivery just in case Alex fainted. (He got light headed in our birth class when he saw a diagram of the epidural needle. I was afraid and wanted someone to be with me all the way through.) We didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. We wanted a surprise. I, the newly wed chef made tater tot casserole. We took a photo of the four of us. In the photo Alex had his pager and Liz had her's. We rented the pagers because we didn't have cell phones. We agreed they would only be used once, when I started labor. That night it seemed like I was never going to need to use the pager. Every day was the same, heightened expectation and then the let down, heightened expectation and then let down. Every day I woke up thinking maybe it is today! I was restless and uncomfortable. Early in pregnancy I had been afraid to go into labor and in the final month of pregnancy I realized God had given me a gift. I was finally ready. I was so uncomfortable physically and so excited emotionally that I thought, "I don't care what happens to me, how much pain I go through, how long and hard it is! I will do anything! I WANT MY BODY BACK!! I WANT TO HOLD MY BABY!! And, I will do whatever it takes! I want to sleep all night and not have to go to the bathroom. I want to lay on my tummy. I want to drink orange juice. I don't want to look this humungous and hear one more person say, "you're still here?". I want to look into the face of my child. I want to know who he or she is. I want to cuddle in the rocking chair. I want to use all the baby clothes and the swing and the crib. Let's do this thing!

My brother called yesterday. The first question he asked is, "How are you, Beth?". I told him I was fine and our family is fine. We are happy and busy. Adalynne had an invention convention that day and took 2nd place in her group. The girls' ballet recital is just around the corner. Elie lost a tooth and has another on hanging on by a thread. Joe is loving soccer. School is going well. Spring is here and the kids can play outside. Alex is loving his classes and things are steady at church. Sam is a ball and fills my love tank every day with his natural sweetness. And yet in all of this fine stuff a big part of me is not o.k. and is missing my 5th child. I am sad. I am on the verge of tears because Maren is not here. I am living in the state of heightened alert because she could be coming any day. Or, it could go on like this for a while. It is absolutely out of my control. We could be very, very, very close or we may have to hang in there for a while. Every day is the same, heightened expectation and disappointment. Could today be the day? Nothing.

It feels like the 9th month. I am so ready for the new "normal". I am so ready to look into the eyes of my baby. I am ready for her to wrap her tiny little hand around my finger. I want this wait behind me and I want my daughter home.

Someone asked me today if it is as painful as carrying a child physically? Of course physically I have had nothing to deal with and no physical pain. Thankfully, Maren's momma did all that hard work. No morning sickness, no aching ligaments, no extra hormones, no lower back pain when I wash the dishes, and no labor. But, a very great expectancy, a little fear of the unknown, a great heart ache for my baby, a longing to be the one caring for Maren, a desire to start getting to know her and to get on with bonding, and a great feeling of helplessness in bringing her home. I've got that 9th month feeling and I am ready for it to be behind me.

Father, please bring our baby home.

It feels like it's never going to happen. But, it will.

Resources

2010-04-21T07:42:00.000-07:00

This morning through Noel Piper's blog I discovered some wonderful resources for people who are adopting, have adopted, or would like to adopt, or want to support those around you who have adopted. Here are the links:

The Abba Fund blog

Empowered to Connect

The Child Development Training Institute (excellent videos about attaching to your child)

Jason Upton - Father of the fatherless live on cbn

2010-04-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

Maren's Voice

2010-04-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrTm3pyoCbA

Got to hear Maren's sweet little voice for the first time this morning. Christel and Sara Hatcher posted this video on facebook. What a gift! If you click on the link above you can hear her too.

5 Months and Wishing She Was Home

2010-04-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

She's five months old now and I wish she was home. I guess that's all I have to say about that.

________________________________________________________

Ready to say some more now...I just pulled out an older email that gives a rough outline of our adoption time table and my calendar. She could come home in a few weeks from now or it could be as long as Mid-June (or later if something unexpected happens). I have been praying lots and hoping for the shorter time table. I thought I was being so patient. My motto has been "pray for the shorter time and prepare mentally for the longer one". Somewhere along the line I slipped up and started thinking short thoughts. I'm trying to re-align my thinking tonight. I want it to be soon so badly but it may not be. Lord, give me your grace and peace. I trust you.

Planting With My Tears

2010-04-14T16:44:00.000-07:00

Psalm 126:5&6, "Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."

Psalm 56:8, "You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"

God's Powerful Word

2010-04-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

When God speaks things happen. When God speaks worlds are created. When God speaks hearts are changed. We live by every word that comes from the mouth of God. Last night when I was praying this truth came into my mind. When God says it is time for Maren to come home she will be coming home.

"For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm." Psalm 33:9

Buy Coffee and Help Us Travel to Taiwan

2010-04-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

Attention coffee lovers, you can help us with the expense of our adoption by purchasing coffee through our store front at

www.justlovecoffee.com/TheBrodines

We will receive $5 for every bag purchased. Please help us spread the word. :)

This Little Light of Mine

2010-04-10T18:31:00.000-07:00

5 Petals for my 5 children. The Lord is my Light and He is near to us in Holdrege and Meg in Taiwan. I know He is working.

Prayer Brunch

2010-04-09T18:58:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning I am going to a prayer brunch for Mom's In Touch. We had a planning meeting 10 days ago. At the meeting our leader, Janet, shared something the Lord had put on her heart. She wants to take time to agree in prayer as a group with each lady in attendance for something that she is "waiting" for in prayer. As soon as the words exited her lips I knew that I would still be waiting for news of Meg's home-coming at the brunch. NO! I wanted to deny it. I hoped I would be wrong. :( I felt angry and sad. Why must I wait longer, Lord?

All week I having been bringing my sadness, longing, and confusion to the Lord in prayer. I feel ready for my baby to come home. I don't understand. Why do I have to still be waiting at the prayer brunch? I had been really hoping for an update from Taiwan. I have ached for some sort of good news or even any news. There is only silence. :( I have been praying and waiting for months. Isn't it enough? Why must I wait for the prayer brunch?

A gentle voice said, "Why not see it as a gift that I have planned this prayer brunch? It is ordained especially for you. Why do you see it from the opposite way? Why do you feel I am against you in the wait?"

Hmm. I am intrigued and excited for the prayer brunch. Command me, Jesus. You are in control.

"Be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

"I wait expectantly for your salvation; God, I do what you tell me." Psalm 119:6

"I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion';therefore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Lamentations 3:24-30

To be continued, tomorrow...

In Your Time

2010-04-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

Wow! What a roller coaster! A few weeks ago I was very content and felt joy that the end was coming into view. Remember my post....every day is getting closer with the big smiley face? This past week and a half I have been on the other end of things. I have been battling for that smile and keeping the tears at bay. Wondering how much longer it's going to be until I see her sweet face and hold her? I am longing!

The longing is producing prayer. I listened to a Tim Keller sermon a little while back and a phrase keeps coming to mind from that message that we "do not pray like the pagans do". He went on to explain that pagans pray full of anxiety and they pray their anxiety and they use many words out of fear without faith, hope, and trust. I feel myself slipping into anxiety filled praying at times. But, the Holy Spirit keeps reminding me not to pray without hope. There is hope. My God is mighty and He is working on Meg's behalf. He does hear my prayers. He is going to bring her home and work justice on her behalf. Maybe not on my time-table so I just gotta keep praying, asking, believing, and beating down worry with a large stick.

Dueteronomy 10:18 says, "He executes justice for the fatherless!" This is who our God is. This is what His word says about Him and His character. He is Maren's Heavenly Father and He loves her more than I do! She belongs to Him.

This morning while I was praying a phrase Gloria Stout always used to say to me when I lived at home in Mount Morris came to mind. "God is the slowest person I know but He's always right on time." I feel like the Lord is growing my trust.

I wanted Maren home in March! I still would like her home in April! I am not sure what the Lord is doing. But I am humbled as I have reflected back over His amazing timing in my life this far. He is amazing! He knows! I am hurting right now but I am calling to mind how Great the Lord has been so far in my life. Let alone His timing since the creation. I am so little. Why do I act like I know what would be best and act like I know how He should run the world? Take Your time, Lord and fill me with hope in you!

"O that we may kiss the rod, and lay our hands upon our mouths! " -Sara Edwards

More Than We've Needed

2010-04-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

I know adopting is a calling that God has placed on our lives. And, I know that God brought Maren to us. The timing is amazing!!!! And, I am so excited.

In October 2008 someone gave us a financial gift to begin our adoption journey. Alex had been feeling prompted that it was time to look into adoption prior to that but had been reluctant. The gift confirmed and put him over the edge that it was time to do more than talk about adopting. At this same time we were invited to go on Good Morning Nebraska to promote adoption month. The only requirement was to have an adoption benefit fund set up. Because of going onto the TV show we felt like we should have something to share about our adoption and we hadn't started our home-study and we didn't know where we would adopt from.

I had traveled with friends who had been to China. I had heard the plight of the little girls of China and since 1996. In my heart I really wanted to adopt a little girl from Asia but when it was time to start looking at the places we could adopt from we were limited. We didn't make enough money or own our own home so China, Khazakhstan, and Kyrgzstan were out. We had too many children to adopt from Thailand, India, or Bhutan. And, for some reason I didn't want to adopt from Korea. I cannot explain that and no offense to Koreans or those who have adopted Koreans but I just felt like it wasn't Korea.

One night I sat at the computer with tears running down my face. I said, "Lord, I thought that you wanted us to adopt a little girl in Asia but looking at these country requirements I don't see where we fit. If you want us to adopt we are willing but you are going to have to show us where our baby is." The night before I said this prayer I had sent an email to a friend who adopted a little girl from China, Janet Bailey. I told her I was growing discouraged in looking at country qualifications. We wanted to adopt but were having trouble finding where we fit. No joke, about the time I said this prayer a little number 1 lit up in my facebook inbox. Janet Bailey had replied. She said, "What about Taiwan? Have you ever thought about adopting from there? I just met a pastor's family just like you who just adopted their 5th baby from Taiwan. "

I mentioned Taiwan to Alex and he sat upright on the couch and said, "Taiwan, yeah I like Taiwan." I called my mom because I was so excited that we might be discovering where God was leading and she too chimed in with eagerness for Taiwan.

The next day Janet emailed the contact information for Andrea Tweeten. I was so antsy to call Andrea. I waited until late morning because I didn't want to call too early in the day. We had a great talk. She offered to contact Holly and Trena for us and see if they would consider helping us. They agreed and sent us an application.

We were focusing on paying off all of our debts at that time so we didn't send in our application right away because we wanted to be able to apply with no debts. On Janury 3 we were able to apply with His Hands Taiwan and Adoption Consultants, Inc. to begin our home-study! The financial gift we were given was the perfect amount. We had enough for our home-study and a little more left over.

Most adoptions from Asia cost between $20,000-$30,000 for everything start to finish. This figure was daunting as we headed into adoption. We knew we had room in our family for one more but we didn't wish to put ourselves into financial jeopardy after working so hard to become debt free. For this reason we prayed and considered and felt we should fundraise for our adoption. We have felt called to adopt and we believed that there were people who were not called to adopt but would support others who felt called. We had a wonderful dinner and invited a few hundred people from central Nebraska. With around 70 or 80 in attendance the Lord provided a little over $4,000 that night.

So far in our adoption we have spent around $8,000 total. We have had more than we have needed for the adoption up until this point. At every turn the money has been there. It still is. We praise God that He led us to His Hands Taiwan. It is amazing!

We are now scraping the bottom of our adoption fund. We believe our travel date is just around the corner. It will cost around $4,500 for the trip to Taiwan. We believe that God is big and able to provide what we need. We are battling anxiety with His word and with the details of our story so far. God's leading and provision has been miraculous! Would you please pray with us about the Lord's provision for our trip to Taiwan? We're not sure how it is all going to come together but we believe that it will. And, we have had more than we needed every step of the way.

Something's Missing

2010-04-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day! We spent it with family at Mom and Dad Brodine's. It started with coffee, cinnamon rolls, and a heart to heart talk (which really fills my love tank). Then lunch with many loved ones, more conversation, cake, ice cream, soccer, dancing, singing. Cousins were belly laughing, running, playing, dressing up. It was so much fun!!!!!!!!! As good as it was all day long there was a dull ache inside my heart because you are not here yet, Meg. I want all of my children home. Part of my heart is in Taiwan and it will not be united until I am with you. It was a good day but not a complete day. Something's missing. No, someone is missing and it's you. Praying the Lord will bring us together soon.

Tick Tock, Move it CLOCK!

2010-04-01T15:34:00.000-07:00

This week feels like an eternity. Time is passing S L O W L Y. I am praying, praying, praying and asking and waiting. I keep staring at the computer screen willing something to happen. It's not working.

Keeping the Kleenex Handy

2010-03-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

It's just one of those days. Tears have come easily. I am ready and longing to be Maren's mom. I am ready to move on with the new "normal". I am ready for all of our children to be home in our house.

God knows. God cares. God is working. His time will be the right time. I will pour out my heart to Him and wait and hope and trust. He is answering and it will be good.

Getting So EXCITED!

2010-03-27T08:51:00.001-07:00

The Bachman family sent us some pictures of Meg via facebook yesterday! You bet we are EXCITED! Elie stood at the computer and talked out loud to the pictures saying, "Aren't you just the cutest? Are you ready to come home? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!". We are love sick and verbal! We hear from 2 of her nannies that Maren also has quite the voice. She talks and sings quite often. In fact her nickname in the nursery is "Miss Bollywood". She is going to fit right in! We are a loud and musical family. ;)

We still wait for permission from the judge to travel. She will issues the 1st and 2nd Decrees and then we can go get our daughter! We could be weeks away or a couple of months. We have no idea. Please continue to ask the Lord to bring the 1st and 2nd Decrees. And, pray for our social worker. He/she may have submitted the reports to the court but she may not have. We just don't know but our eyes are on the LORD! He knows. And, we know Him!

Please pray for our His Hands friends:

The Farmers are waiting for thier 171-H from the US government to travel to Mylee. It could come any day! Please ask the Lord to bring it. Mylee has been waiting a long time.

Praise the Lord that Owen received his miracle visa!!!!!! Now all his family needs is an appointment with the American Institute of Taiwan and they can book tickets. Please pray!

Also, the Raboins are waiting for 1st and 2nd Decrees like us. Please join us in asking the Lord to bring Leia home.

Happy Weekend to You!

A Happy Little Daydream

2010-03-24T18:40:00.001-07:00

The phone just rang. I let myself indulge in a happy little daydream. I imagined that caller ID said, "Out of Area" and that Holly and Trena from His Hands Taiwan were on the other end with surprising good news. My mind heard them say, "Guess what? The judge issued your final decree today! Maren officially belongs to you. You're going to travel!".

No such luck. It was the Omaha World Herald calling to see if we wanted to subscribe. :) Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. (I am smiling as I write this.) I know that God is working! He will bring Maren home at just the right time. But, it is fun to daydream, even for a realist.

2 Pictures of God in Adoption

2010-03-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

The waiting in adoption is killer. Part of the way I mentally battled while we waited to be matched with Maren was through reading books about adoption. One of the books I read was Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore subtitled The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches.

Moore and his wife, Maria. adopted 2 little boys now Benjamin and Timothy (previously "Maxim" and "Sergei") from Russia. When adopting from Russia two trips are required because of Russia's legal process. On their first trip to meet their sons they found the orphanage to be a grim and dirty place. Their sons were both in cribs, in the dark, lying in their own waste.* Moore describes the last day of their 1st trip this way, "(Leaving) was the hardest thing either of us had ever done. Walking out of the room to prepare for the plane ride home, Maria and I could hear Maxim calling out for us and falling down in his crib, convulsing in tears. Maria shook with tears of her own. I turned around to walk back into their room, just for a minute. I placed my hands on both of their heads and said, knowing they couldn't understand a word of English, 'I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.' I don't think I consciously intended to cite Jesus ' words to his disciples in John 14:18; it just seemed like the only thing worth saying at the time."

Adoption is a display of what God has done for us in Jesus.

1. We are adopted by God. We are not His "biological" children in that Jesus is His only "begotten" son. Jesus is the first born. Jesus is the exact representation of God and He is God. He is the only man born in flesh who can claim this. And, because Jesus was forsaken on the cross by His Father we are now welcomed by our Heavenly Father adopted as His children. Because of our Elder Brother, Jesus, we have free access to God. Adoption is a living illustration of this covenant. I am different than Jesus and yet God the Father gives me full rites and loves me as the Father loves Jesus. AMAZING! I did not and never will earn this. Jesus gave it to me. :) "To as many as received him and believed on His name He gave the right to be called sons of God." One day Jesus will come again and receive us and take us to our forever home with our Father.

2. Jesus has not left us as alone He has given the Holy Spirit to us. Jesus says in John 14:18, "I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you." Jesus promised us this. He has not left us as orphans. He has sent His Holy Spirit (Acts 2). We are not left to ourselves. We don't have to pull ourselves up by "our boot straps". He is here. He is with us and he is leading us! The Holy Spirit longs to comfort us and help us through life.

Today one of the His Hands families is being united with their son for the first time. I love adoption! I am rejoicing with the Bachmans and for Jake! And, I am amazed at the beauty of it! I am amazed that God has adopted me! I rejoice at being able to see families united with their children through adoption. And, look forward to the day that I experience this first hand with our little Meg.

Please pray for the Bachmans today as they begin their life with Jake. We need God's grace every day and especially in transitions.

Also, pray for Trena and Holly as they guide the Bachmans through more paper work, AIT, and travel. Pray that God will bless them and supply everything they need so they can continue in the work God has called them to.

Pray for Jake's birth family as they say good-bye.

And, pray for the nannies who have given so much to Jake. I am sure that it is very hard to love so much and watch theses precious babies move to the other side of the world.

Also, please keep praying that God will bring Maren home soon! We can't wait to be a part of Maren's life.

*Maren is in the House of Hope which is very small and clean. She is very well cared for by fantastic ladies who love her and love Jesus.

Every Day It's Getting Closer

2010-03-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

I think someone is praying for me today. It sure has been a great day and I am full of hope, excitement, and peace. This afternoon the thought occurred to me that today I am one day closer to meeting Maren. I know God is working and his timing will be perfect. I loves James Taylor so imagine his song "Every Day It's Getting Closer" playing in the background while your read this. And, if you have been praying for us while we wait and for Meg, thank you and please don't stop! We'll keep you posted.

More Than A Thousand Words

2010-03-20T11:20:00.001-07:00

Some Scriptures I'm Believing and Praying

2010-03-19T22:42:00.000-07:00

For Maren's Mommy...

Hebrews 7:25, "Consequently, He is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them."

For the social worker and judge...

Deuteronomy 10:18, "He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow." (Let it be quickly, please Lord!)

Proverbs 21:1, "The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will."

The social worker was able to meet with Maren's mom and the gals from His Hands Taiwan on Wednesday. Praise the Lord! Now we are praying that the social worker will write her report quickly and submit it to the judge. My room-mate in college was a missionary kid from Bangladesh. She said she is praying that this will be done in "un-Asian-like speed". (He he he!)

After the social worker submits the reports to the judge we will wait for the judge to rule that Maren is ours. And, then Holly and Trena will be able to get an appointment at the American Institute in Taiwan for us to get Maren's visa. And, then we TRAVEL! Thank you for your continued prayers. We are so thankful for God's leading and God's people who have stood with us on our journey. Bless you! Our God is ABLE!

Shamrocks and Snoozes

2010-03-17T14:05:00.001-07:00

A baby named Meg fills my mind.

To wait for her I am resigned,

For my Taiwanese pearl

Is one little girl

That I'd cross an ocean to find.

A Limerick Especially for Meg

Love,

Dad

Please Pray Today

2010-03-16T06:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight at 12:30 a.m. (2:30 p.m. in Taiwan), His Hands Taiwan will meet with a social worker and Maren's mommy. The social worker will write a report from this meeting that will be submitted to the courts. The judge will use this report to make her decision about Maren coming into our family. Please pray with us today!

Pray that Maren's mom will remember the appointment and come.

Pray that Maren's mom will have the peace of the Lord as she takes this difficult step.

Pray that the Lord's presence will be known in the meeting.

Pray that Maren's mom will have a great connection with Holly and Trena from His Hands Taiwan. They want to maintain a relationship with her after the adoption is completed.

Pray for Maren's grandmother. This has been incredibly hard for her too.

Pray for Maren's mom and her whole family to know the unfailing, great love of Jesus.

Pray that the social worker will write a favorable report and submit it quickly!

Pray that the judge will rule quickly so Maren can join our family!

Psalm 68

4 Sing to God, sing praise to his name,

extol him who rides on the clouds

his name is the LORD

and rejoice before him.

5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,

is God in his holy dwelling.

6 God sets the lonely in families,

he leads forth the prisoners with singing;

4 Months & She Keeps On Growing

2010-03-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

Maren Xi En is four months old today (it is already the 15th in Taiwan). She has been thriving physically. She has more than doubled her birth weight. And, we are praying that just like Jesus in Luke 2:52 she will grow in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.

I love you, Maren. I am missing you so much. I pray every day that we will be together soon. I can't wait to hold you and be your mommy.

He Never Said It Would Be Easy

2010-03-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

God has not promised skies always blue,

Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;

God has not promised sun without rain,

Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God has promised strength for the day,

Rest for the labor, light for the way,

Grace for the trials, help from above,

Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

This quote is actually a hymn. I thought it was a poem. My Great Grandma Scott wrote this in my Grandpa Scott's Autograph Book on the occasion of his high school graduation. I've always liked it. From time to time in marches to the fore front of my mind and brings perspective.

Why is this so perspective so easy to lose in times of trial? Why do I tend to complain so easily when things don't go my way or according to my time frame? God has always been so good to me. I wish I weren't so fallible and weak. I wish I would always trust the heart of a Perfect Father and rest in His love for me. He never said it would be easy. But, He did promise to be with me. And, at the end of this struggle Maren is going to be worth it all!

Let Our Babies GO!

2010-03-09T19:08:00.000-08:00

Yay! Through facebook I learned that 1 of 3 babies who has been so close to going home for a while gets to go HOME to his forever family! I am so happy! This news is a great encouragement to me. I have been watching this little cutie on facebook since August. Praise the Lord for getting him through the legal system!

2 More babies are close to going home if they can get their visas. Please pray for visas.

We, along with another family, are waiting for our social worker to complete our home-studies for our babies and their mamas. When those are submitted we wait for the judge to rule that the adoption is complete and we can travel too. Please pray for the Lord to help us through the system. We could be weeks away or a few months....please keep praying! Let our babies go!

Look What Meg Can Do!

2010-03-05T14:12:00.000-08:00

I love this baby girl! She is really changing which is exciting and sad at the same time. I'm missing it. But, she's growing and learning and she looks well cared for. Thank you, Lord. You are good to me.

Phew! You're Alright.

2010-03-04T04:51:00.000-08:00

Around 8 p.m. last night I learned that there had been an earthquake in Kaohsiung County Taiwan. I knew it was close to Maren in Kaohsiung City but not exactly sure how close. The earthquake was 6.4 on the Richter scale. No where near the magnitude of the one in Haiti or Chile but a little unnerving when you're not with your baby. The epicenter was 37 miles away. This morning we learned through facebook that all the staff, nannies, and babies are just fine. "God was just rocking the babies for us." So glad you are safe, Meg.

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—

where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

love2baby@family.com

2010-03-03T15:24:00.000-08:00

We love you, Meg!

Where's the Fast Forward Button?

2010-03-01T14:24:00.000-08:00

During the adoption process in some ways it feels like time has really slowed down. And, in other ways it hasn't. Adalynne is about to turn 11. Joseph turned 9. Eleanor is 6. And, Sam is now 4. Wow! That doesn't seem possible. The fact that today is March 1st and very soon 1/4 of 2010 will be past doesn't seem possible. The end of school is only a few months away. But, the dull ache in my heart to meet Maren drags on. That's the slow part. I reread the paper about the adoption process regularly now and pull out the calendar and think through possible travel scenarios. And, I want to push the fast forward button. And, then again I don't. I want to enjoy every day.

And, I want to remind myself that God's timing has been impeccable so far. He knows what He is doing. And, all of my days and all of Maren's days were ordained before one of them came to be.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Lord, I Give Myself

2010-02-27T12:19:00.000-08:00

I can't get this song out of my head today. If you don't know it you can google it and listen through LaLa or something.

It is written by Darlene Zschech.

Lord I give myself
I trust in You mighty God
My Saviour
And Your mercy and love
Overflows and my soul rejoices
Lord show me Your ways
Guide my steps
Lead me to Your righteousness
And the light of Your love
Takes my fear away
'Cause I know You walk before me
Oh my shepherd
You let me rest in Your arms
You comfort me
And everywhere that I go
I'm not alone
Mighty God
I know You're with me

My Husband, My Hero

2010-02-25T06:55:00.000-08:00

People have said, "I don't know how you can be so patient in this process. I don't know if I could do it." Well, you don't live with me. Alex does. He weathers the storm of adoption fury. He walks with me through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Some days are not so pretty. Yesterday was not so pretty. I was fighting, battling for the peace of Christ to rule all morning and unfortunately unleashed some of my wrath on Alex when he came home for lunch.

This morning we had a chance to debrief about yesterdays roller coaster ride. I am thankful for Alex. He is a mirror for me and a means of grace. We are so different. We are good for each other.

Love in the true definition is not easy for selfish people on any given day. When we go through stress how will we react? We can either harden our hearts and become more rigid which leads to distance and breaking. Or, we can stretch and grow and our love for the other person becomes more robust. I think both paths are painful. But, one path is fruitful and ends in renewed love. The other leads to destruction over time.

I Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Thanks for loving me, Alex. I want to love you better and more.

Please pray for Alex and I to love each other and not to only think of ourselves and our own point of view. Pray that we will stretch and grow and love more. Pray that God will use the stress of this wait to bring us closer together and that the enemy will not get a foothold and divide us.

A Labor of Love

2010-02-24T17:27:00.001-08:00

This process is very stretching. Duh!

I feel so small and helpless. We are at the mercy of the Taiwanese government and their pace. However, everything is in God's control. All of our days are written in His book before one of them comes to be. He turns the king's heart like water in His hand. God ways are higher than mine. His thoughts are higher than mine. If I can just keep my mind focused on Him then I am all-right.

Child birth hurts. Adoption hurts too. It is totally different but painful none the less. I keep hanging on to what a friend encouraged me with while we were waiting to see Maren's face. She said this is your labor. This is God's prep for you to care for a baby you have never met. The act of love and bonding has already begun. By the time she is home we will have been through a lot. We are very emotionally involved.

I think some of what is so hard is the distance. It is hard to "miss out" on her developmental milestones and physical changes. And, it is hard not knowing if she is sick or well. And, it is hard not knowing if the end is a month a way or 4 more months away. It is hard not knowing if you will hit a major glitch like rejection by the judge, AIT, or some other unknown factor. You just want closure and it comes in God's timing. It is a journey of faith.

Here's how you can pray for us now:

1. Pray for us to eat God's grace in the unknowns.

2. Pray that the social worker will complete Maren's mom's home-study and the home-study with His Hands Taiwan in a timely fashion. Pray that they will write the report and submit it in a timely fashion.

3. Pray that we will have favor with the judge and that the 1st and 2nd decrees will come quickly.

If things move absolutely as quick as possible we could travel to Taiwan to get Maren in a month. If things move more slowly then it will be up to 4 more months until we travel. We have no idea.

I have been following the adoption journeys of 3 His Hands babies since the summer (July and August). None of them are home yet. All three of them are really close but they still wait. I want to be realistic in my thinking. I am praying for warp speed but trying to prepare myself emotionally for the long haul. Please pray with me.

It Might Be Hope

2010-02-22T14:34:00.001-08:00

The past 2 days the song "It Might be Hope" has been on replay literally and figuratively. It is a Sara Groves song. I love it. I love the melody. I love the words. I love the feeling I have when I sing along at the top of my lungs in harmony with Sara. And, I love the hope.

With the Government offices about to re-open following the Chinese New Year my excitement at the conclusion of last week was growing. Finally new hope that we could begin to make progress with the paper work. The excitement climaxed today when I opened my inbox to discover that we have a court date. I really had pretty much given up on even receiving the date until late this week or next week since the offices are just now starting to function.

O.k., so here is what needs to happen to bring Maren home. There still is a lot.

We need a home-study with a Taiwanese social worker to be completed on Maren.

We need a home-study with a Taiwanese social worker to be completed on Maren's mom.

We need the judge to issue a 1st decree and then a 2nd decree. Following the 2nd decree we will be allowed to travel.

Maren will have an adoption physical.

Maren will need a passport photo.

All of these things will take place some where between 4 weeks and 4 months following our court date. We ask you for your prayers and we appreciate them. We could travel at the earliest end of March/beginning of April or it could be end of June/beginning of July.

Maren's mom will be going to court with the missionaries who are administrating our adoption. Please pray for her. I cannot imagine what this chapter of her life story feels like. It must be one of the darkest and most painful. I am sure she wishes that she could go back and do some big time editing. Thankfully, God is the one writing her story. I know that His love never ends. I know His love is new every morning and so there is hope. I know that her pain will not be wasted and He has the power to heal.

Lamentations 3:22-24

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him.

Psalm 137:3

He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.

The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.

"You've been here, for a long, long time. But, hope has a way of turning it's face to you just when you least expect it. Walk in a room, look out a window, and something there leaves you breathless. You say to yourself, "it's been a while since I felt this and it feels like it might be hope."-Sara Groves (It Might be Hope)

2010-02-21T15:34:00.000-08:00

The Porters, dear North Central University and Sudan field friends, came to visit this weekend. We haven't been together in 7 years! Their 3rd baby, Riley, was born on November 4, 2009. It was a happy occasion to catch up, meet him, and share in joy of Charles and Tahnya's growing family. God has done a lot and we are celebrating!

I can't believe how long it has been since I have had that much time with a new baby. Time quickly passes and you forget what those special fleeting early days are like. I held him. I fed him. I burped him. He spit up on me. :) I rocked him. I watched him sleep in my arms. He smiled and even laughed when I talked to him. It was delightful and soothing. I soaked him in and found my thoughts drifting to a special little baby girl in Taiwan. Maren was born 11 days after Riley. I think they must be similar in size. And, I wonder what she is going to feel like in my arms.

T.G.I.F.

2010-02-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful it is Friday! It is even Saturday (midnight) right now in Taiwan. Yipee! On Monday (Sunday night Stateside) the government offices will re-open. Bet the Taiwanese are sad to see their holiday vacation go. I am sorry for them. But, I am thrilled that soon we should be able to make some progress with getting our little Meg home.

We are not the only adoptive family rejoicing at the re-opening of the offices.

3 families are waiting to travel soon but they each need some things to happen first. Please pray the Smiths, Bachmans, and Farmers will have everything they need to travel and bring home their children soon.

Also, the Raboin familiy waits for a court date to bring home their little sweetie.

If we come to mind please pray!

Because Inquiring Minds Want to Know

2010-02-18T07:27:00.000-08:00

Every time I have been pregnant people have asked awkward questions that have shocked and stung me. Here is a sampling of some zingers:

"You do know how this happens, don't you?"

"Was this pregnancy planned?"

"Are you sure that you're not having twins? My sister-in-law is pregnant and she is further along than you and she's a lot smaller than you."

"Are you sure you're not carrying multiples?"

"When are you due? Do you think you're going to make it? You look so uncomfortable."

Since we have made the decision to adopt Maren, our 5th child, a few people have asked, "5 children, how in the world are you going to afford this?" I group this question with the list of questions above not because of content but because of tone. The 2 people who have asked this have asked with a tone which (to me) sounds like disdain and disapproval of our decision.

I would like to address this question here because I have a hunch others maybe wondering the same thing. I will start by saying we really believe the Lord planted the dream of adoption in our hearts. It grew in our hearts since 1996. We believe we are destined to bring Maren into our family. And, the timing of our story is miraculous. We treasure what God has done and is doing! Since we believe adopting Maren is something that we are called to do and not something that we schemed we will rely on God as we wait to bring her home and when she is finally home and we roll up our sleeves to begin the task of parenting her. Bringing Maren into our home is a great joy and a dream fulfilled!

Alex read or watched something last year and he shared it with me. The gist of what he heard was that at the end of people's lives when they look back they don't wish for more stuff or that they would've spent more time at work. They wish they would've taken more time to love the people most important in their lives and that they would've risked more to follow the dreams of their hearts.

1. God is our provider. We believe in the God of the Bible who teaches us that He will provide for our needs. We stand on Matthew 6:25-34. We believe that we will have what we need for each day that we need it. So first, we plan to ask our Father in heaven to take care of us and we believe that He will. He has provided for our family this far and do not expect Him to abandon us in the days ahead.

2. We view children as a reward. The pslams directly teach that children are a gift or a reward from God. And, they are a blessing. They are not a liability. They are not a drudgery. We are thrilled that our home is full and loud. We delight in the thought of how many grandchildren and great grandchildren we will have. I am so happy that I will not be lonely in my old age. I heard a statistic a few years ago that less than .03% of Americans have 7 or more children. I'll let you in on my little secret, ever since that day part of me has wanted to reach for 7 or more.

I enjoy the differences of my children and their personalities, abilities, interests, and looks. I enjoy looking at them and seeing their familial similarities as well. I love that they are "Brodines". It has been so much fun! Who knows who Adalynne, Joseph, Eleanor, Samuel, and Maren will become? I cannot wait to find out and that's PRICELESS.

3. We have lived in a 3rd world country and we recognize that living in America makes us a privileged and elite people. I don't have a statistic but I have read that we are in the top 30% of the world just by living in this country. Calling 9-1-1 is a privilege. Central heat and air conditioning is a privilege. Alex and I are both overweight, another privilege. We have never been hungry or not eaten (unless by choice) for 1 day or even 1 meal. Americans have the best medical and dental care in the world. Do people even realize what we have in this country? Owning a car is a privilege (we have 2). My house helper in Sudan only owned 3 sets of clothes. Even living on 1 income you should look into my drawers and closets. They are overflowing. We have multiple pairs of shoes. Chocolate chip cookies are a privilege not a necessity. Christmas gifts are a privilege. Toys are a privilege. Computers are a privilege. Come on Americans! I am not even talking about name brands yet. The thought of what people believe we need is sickening. The middle class in Sudan brings home about $60 a month. A lot of children available for adoption are coming out of third world countries so give me a break, please. I think American families, even lower income ones, have a lot to share.

4. Our God cares about the fatherless. He said in James, "True religion is this, to care for the widows and orphans in their affliction." There are crowded orphanages in China where toddlers cannot toddle or talk because no one is there to help them learn. There may be 30 infants to 2 orphanage workers. Babies who should be sitting up, can't. Babies who should cry when they need something, don't because no one comes when they do. They have learned to conserve their energy and live existences with out a lot of love and stimulation. They are underweight and not thriving. The orphanage workers do their best but they are low on funding and only have 2 arms and probably are on the brink of exhaustion. Alex and I have heard the plight of orphans and we believe we can share our love and our bodies and our home with someone who needs it. This is one of the most thrilling things of my life. I can't wait and I believe I would do it again and again and again if the Lord opened the door.

5. Our children will not have the finest of possessions but I pray Isaiah 44:3-5 over my family. And, I pray that each of my children will have eternal life and that our descendants will be called "THE LORD's". Living a life that people middle and upper class America would label "poor" is an opportunity to display the wealth we have in Christ. Heaven holds our true wealth and having many children on less money forces me to look at God in Heaven and want my treasure there. What good is it if you gain the whole world and lose your soul? I do not want my hope to be here and rooted in my possessions. This is not always easy for me but I believe in the bottom of my heart it is the better thing.

I have asked myself "What are we doing?" I will not be able to buy her everything that I would like. So, is this a good idea? We would have more with less people.

I am in the prime of my mothering. I understanding the stages of my children's development from first hand experience. Sleepless nights are hard but they don't get me down the way they did my first time around. I am "broken in". I know what to expect. I am not perfect but weathered. I read to them. I sing to them. I am home with them. And, I have Jesus. This reality trumps all others.

7. It is not so much what you have but how you manage it. There are people with huge salaries and even larger debts because they choose to live above their means. The human heart is a desire factory and we never get "enough". We always want just a little bit more.

8. Since becoming parents we delight more in God's grace. We are completely overwhelmed at our personal poverty in parenting. But, because of this incredible lack we have tasted the Lord's grace and found it to be sufficient for our needs. I love the dependence on the Lord that I have experienced so far and look forward to more grace as we learn to parent Maren. Mothering drives me to God's word and my knees and that is a good thing.

Refreshment for Nannies

2010-02-16T08:16:00.000-08:00

Please join us in praying for Glenda, Mary Joy, Xiao Mei, Jenna, and Rae Fang. It is Chinese New Year! It is the most important holiday of the year in Taiwan. And, the nannies have the week off for some much needed R & R. All of the babies from the House of Hope are staying with families who have volunteered to care for them for a week while the nannies get a much needed break. Please pray that the Lord will give them rest and that they will be refreshed emotionally and spiritually. Pray that God will bless them. They have such an important job! We are so grateful for all that they do for Maren. It is hard work caring for babies round the clock.

Also, please pray for Maren this week. I hope that she is doing well outside of her familiar routine in the House of Hope. I know it is best to give the nannies a break and I worry about my daughter in an unknown environment with unfamiliar people (I am sure that they are wonderful and are enjoying her). She has been through a lot in her little life already and I am so tender and imagine what she may be feeling. I hope she is peaceful and not fearful. It is hard to be half way around the world and so not a part of her day to day life. I want to take over and care for her soon.

I doubt that we will hear about a court date until next week. With the Chinese New Year many offices are shut down this week for a holiday break. Please continue to pray that God will bless us and give us favor in the court system.

Thank you so much for walking through this process with us. Thank you for all your love and support! We are so blessed by our amazing friends and family. We really do need you!

Phillipians 4:5-7 The Lord is near! Be anxious for nothing. But, in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Father, thank you for your amazing timing in our adoption story. Thank you for your provision this far. Thank you for creating Maren and sharing her with us. Thank you for setting her into our family. We ask for your help in getting her home. Please order our steps and the timing as you know best. Please bring her home soon. And, watch over her while we wait. Bless her. Protect her. Prepare her to know you. Prepare her to love us. Please satisfy her all of her days with your unfailing love. Thank you that you are the Father to the fatherless. You are the defender of orphans. Thank you for your peace that passes understanding. We trust you and look to you, Father.

3 Months and Growing

2010-02-15T05:59:00.000-08:00

It is 10:10 p.m. on February 15, 2010 in Taiwan and February 15, 2010 at 8:10 a.m. here in Nebraska. Maren is 3 months young today! I think about her so much. And, hope the Lord will unite our whole family soon. Please continue to pray that we will receive our court date soon.

The Year of the Tiger

2010-02-13T14:16:00.000-08:00

It is after 6 a.m. in Taiwan which means that Chinese New Year has started (and Valentine's Day as well). I have no idea what Chinese New Year is really like. Although, I did do a little reading on Wikipedia yesterday. I am curious and interested to learn more about it in the years to come. It seems to be rooted in celebrating ancestors and eating great food. We hope to celebrate Maren's heritage as she grows. Going to have to learn some things though!

A friend of mine told me that the Taiwanese believe it is bad luck to start things just before Chinese New Year. It is good luck to move forward with plans and events after. So, I have been thinking maybe this is why we have not received our court date yet. Maybe the people in the government offices are hoping for good luck so they are waiting to send us our court date until after the New Year celebrations. I hope and pray that it will be soon.

I wonder what today will be like for Maren in the House of Hope? I wish that I could teleport myself, Alex, and the kids and we could give our little cherub some hugs, kisses, and cuddles. She looks so kissable. And, it would be awesome fun to learn about New Year traditions in person with the ones who know it best.

We had a little family Valentine's party last night. We made our own calzones and cut out heart sugar cookies with frosting and strawberries. We turned off the lights and used candlelight. It was so fun! The only thing missing was you, Maren!

A Mother I Deeply Admire

2010-02-11T13:18:00.000-08:00

Noel Piper has a blog that I enjoy following. She is a pastor's wife and a mother of 5 children, 4 sons and 1 adopted daughter. I hope I will be a sage like Noel. Please visit her blog. You will benefit hearing of her love for God, her family, and life.

http://noelpiper.com/2009/11/14/we-meet-talitha-ruth-piper/

I Trust You

2010-02-11T06:43:00.000-08:00

Psalm 61:1 & 2

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer;

From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint.

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I,

For you have been my refuge under the shelter of your wings!

Excerpts from Psalm 62

For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.

He only is my rock and my salvation,

My fortress; I shall not be shaken.

On God rests my salvation and my glory;

My mighty rock, my refuge is God.

Trust in him at all times, O people;

Pour out your heart before him;

God is a refuge for us.

What's My Hurry?

2010-02-09T17:06:00.000-08:00

Today I connected with a mom who has just recently had a baby. She said the last month of pregnancy all she could think about was getting the baby here and being finished with the pregnancy. Now the baby is here. Caring for her beloved newborn is intense. She wonders why we she was so impatient. Listening to her I could really relate and see myself. Bringing Maren home is consuming. I long for her and think about her so much through out the day. I want this adoption final. I want the wait finished and behind me. I am sure that after Maren is home it is going to be a big transition. There are going to be sleepless nights, diapers, less free time. What's my hurry? I don't know but I think I'm normal and I think it is part of God's preparation to love this new precious addition. And, I am forced to pray, trust, and lean on Jesus in a completely new way while I'm waiting.

Please pray that we will receive our court date soon. And, please pray that God will prepare me to love Maren and help me fully love Alex, Adalynne, Joseph, Eleanor, and Samuel while I'm waiting. I want to give Maren everything she needs and I'm not going to be perfect. That has always bothered me. I want to be the perfect mom.

See Meg Smile

2010-02-05T07:55:00.001-08:00

I Don't Know Much and He Knows All!

2010-02-03T18:11:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 3: 5 & 6, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path."

Maren, we read this at dinner tonight. And, I really felt like the Lord was whispering to me, assuring me that He knows just the right time for us to be together. And, He doesn't want me to look at what I know because I am small and I don't know much. :) His timing in leading us to His Hands Taiwan was so perfect and He did it. It is awesome. When I look back on my life and what He has done, I don't know why I ever question Him. I guess this is the way of sinners.

We have a 8 1/2 by 11 picture of you right by the table where we eat. We have even joked about bringing up our high chair and taping your picture in it just for fun! Maybe your family is crazy! We look at your picture and "oo and ah" many times a day and dream of holding you. We are all very excited. And, we look forward to the day that the Lord says it's time. We know His timing will be perfect.

Proverbs 16:9, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

Praise you, Lord. Thank you for your word.

My Heart on the Other Side of the World

2010-01-31T07:34:00.000-08:00

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone

I have been a mom 4 times now and I would say that this quote rings true to my experience. My heart is traveling around with each of my children every day. Through adoption we are adding a 5th child to our family. It is a dream come true. But, I have never had my heart on the other side of the world before. And it hurts.

Half Way There?

2010-01-31T07:10:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of January. I am kind of glad to see it go and eager to welcome February. We found out about Maren on December 2. On February 2 we will have been waiting to meet her for 2 months. Part of me is glad that it is 2 months because the earliest we could hope to meet her from our starting date would be March 2. If it is March 2 we are almost to the half way mark. And, that would be INCREDIBLE! And, truthfully probably miraculous. I don't let myself live in the land of this dream at least, not yet. I am trying my best to think L O N G thoughts.

We don't have a court date yet. Probably we won't find out about our court date until a week from Wednesday (yes, I am counting whether I should or not). Then, our court date won't be until 2-6 weeks after that. And, everything following court is very uncertain. So, common sense says you may not be half way, Beth. You probably are not half way, Beth! You probably should plan on summer or fall, Beth.

Psalm 139:16, "Your eyes saw my unformed body. All of the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

*Hmm...maybe God is a blogger and a counter too? It is good to put my trust in Him. His plans will not fail.

Bitter Sweet

2010-01-29T13:40:00.001-08:00

Maren, you are really changing! And, I am so happy for you. I want you to thrive, to grow, to learn, but, not too quickly without me. Adoption is such a blessing. It is a true miracle. I know that God has led us to you. He picked you out special for us. I hope you will grow to believe the same thing about us one day.

I am longing to hold you. I am longing for the day that we will finally meet and you can wrap your little finger around my pointer. You are learning to smile. I love your beautiful smile. And, I am so glad that God is giving you joy. I want your life to be full and exciting. And, I am missing being there for you.

Court Date a Comin'! Yeah!

2010-01-27T19:30:00.000-08:00

Our papers were submitted to the legal system of Taiwan! Now we wait for a court date. It will take around 2 weeks until we hear back about a date. The court date itself will probably be somewhere between 2-6 weeks after that. And, then we will travel somewhere between 4 weeks to 4 months after the court date. There are a lot of unknowns and that is a wide time span of possible travel. In addition to that, it is almost Chinese New Year. Chinese New Year is the biggest holiday in Taiwan. Unfortunately for us, things may slow down during the Chinese New Year which is February 14.

Please pray with us and for us as we wait!

Pray that God will give us peace. I have heard through the grapevine that there are only 2 judges that we could receive (one has a reputation for working faster and one is slower). Of course we would chose the fast judge if it were up to us. But, it isn't. Pray that God will steady us as we wait and that we will joyfully accept His timetable in this adoption. I want the peace of Christ to rule my heart and mind. If you know me you will know that I feel deeply. I need the Lord's help. I know He is good.

Pray that God will give us favor with the judge, the social workers in Taiwan, and A.I.T. (The American consulate in Taiwan). There are so many glitches that could pop up and we hope and pray that God will send us through with as few "snags" as possible. Pray that things will move as quick as possible.

Pray for Maren. We pray that she will come to know Christ. We pray that she will bond to us quickly. We pray that she will be accepted by our community. We pray that she will know how loved she is by God, her birth mom, and us! We pray for her to remain healthy (so far so good). Please join us in these requests.

Please continue to ask God to bless Maren's mom. We pray that she will put her trust in Christ and that He will heal her broken heart. She is a precious young woman.

Pray for Maren's caregivers. They have such an important job in helping these precious little ones start out in life. Pray that God will bless their health. Pray that God will give them physical, spiritual, and emotional strength. They do such a wonderful job caring for the babies and get very attached. I can only imagine what it is like to give so much effort & TLC to so many beautiful babies only to say good-bye and watch them go to the other side of the world. You can pray for them by name: Glenda, Mary Joy, Xiao Mei, Jenna, Rae Fang.

Please also pray for Holly and Trena. They are trying to become registered as an orphanage which would allow them to take in more babies than they can currently take in. The process is long, hard, and expensive. They work so hard! Pray that God will strengthen them, bless them, and provide for them so that they can bless more expecting moms, save babies, and waiting Christian families who wish to adopt. If you would like to learn more about their ministry or contribute to their work please visit www.hishandstaiwan.org

We thank God for how He has led us so far! It is amazing! His timing has been perfect. We thank God for His provision this far as well. He is so faithful. We know He is placing Maren into our family and it is one of our greatest joys.

Preparing to Bond

2010-01-26T19:57:00.000-08:00

I have been reading books on bonding in preparation to love Maren. Alex and I are praying, thinking, talking, and preparing our home. Today I picked out the carrier I am going to wear her in after she is home. That was the highlight of my day. I have been researching them for a little while and I finally made a decision. I found a great one on clearance. Can't wait to put Maren in it!

A Critical Time in Maren's Adoption

2010-01-23T19:08:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

On Monday or Tuesday (which is Sunday or Monday night in the U.S.) our documents will be submitted to the legal system of Taiwan. This is a critical point in Maren's adoption. We will be assigned a court date and a judge. It will take up to 2 weeks after filing to hear about our court date. The court date will be somewhere between 2-6 weeks after that. Would you please stand with our family in prayer? What judge we receive will greatly influence the timing of the completion of our adoption.

I hope that I am not beating a repetitive, annoying drum here!

I believe that God is great and He helps the humble who ask for help. We are helpless in this court system apart from our mighty God who turns the king's heart like water in His hands. Praise God that He is our Defender and He hears us when we call to Him.

These are scriptures that I have been praying over Maren. They have been a great encouragement to me. If the Lord leads would you please pray them too on her behalf?

Dueteronomy 10:17-18 For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God who is not partial and takes no bribe. He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.

Psalm 68:5&6 Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. God settles the solitary in a home.

Psalm 72:4 May he defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the children of the needy, and crush the opressor!

Psalm 35:23 Awake and rise to our defense! Contend for Maren, my God and Lord!

For the sake of bonding with Maren we would like to hold her in our arms as soon as possible. For the sake of adoption expenses a speedy adoption would be easier financially (although we know God will provide). We recognize that we do not tell what God to do and that he absolutely knows best! We place Maren's adoption in His loving hands. And, we ask for His help and His favor. We trust in Him.

Thank you for your prayers at this important time!

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He make His face shine on you and give you peace.

Bye, Bye, Lucy

2010-01-23T15:52:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this post for a little bit of closure. Today we said goodbye to Lucy. We gave her to a teenage girl and her mom who really wanted a dog.

I love pets. I love little lovable creatures. I think a puppy or kitten is a little piece of heaven on earth. However, Lucy sheds and she has been leaving us some little presents that we haven't appreciated on our carpet. With the baby coming and the intense season we are about to enter we cerebrally decided we weren't doing a good job of caring for Lucy. And, Maren is much more important! We want to be ready to give her our full attention. And so with a little bit of relief and some tears we said goodbye to Lucy.

Sunshine in Our Fog

2010-01-21T09:07:00.001-08:00

Much of the past 3 days south central Nebraska has been in a dense fog advisory, day and night. It is strange weather. Maren, you are a bright spot in our lives! Praying for you every day.

So, So, So Excited!

2010-01-20T20:14:00.000-08:00

Often I feel the way I am feeling right now...so excited and not much to do about it other than pray. I am ready to hop a plane and a train and meet our baby girl! I am so, so, so excited!

God is giving me scriptures to stand on and this is a growing time. I am thankful. Dueteronomy 10:17 & 18 has been one of the scriptures I am praying over Maren and the other babies in the House of Hope. Please pray with me that God will execute justice quickly on behalf of Maren, Mylee, Owen, Jake, Jasper, & Leia. Pray that we will get a court date soon and that we will have a judge who will act quickly to unite us with our beloved daughter. Pray that our interaction with A.I.T. will be smooth. Pray for Holly and Trena to be refreshed and have what they need daily. They are working so hard and face many challenges.

¹⁷ For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. ¹⁸ He executes justice on behalf of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.

Just Want to Remember

2010-01-19T11:30:00.000-08:00

This morning when we got the 3 pictures from the Ball family who are adopting Olivia. Sam saw this one and said "It looks like Maren is saying 'Whoa, do not even get me started!'" Where does he come up with this stuff? I just want to remember.

Hurray for New Pictures!

2010-01-19T07:01:00.000-08:00

This morning when I went to my inbox I had 3 new pictures of Maren. What a way to start the day! Oh sweet baby, I hope you will know how excited we are for you to join our family!

There are still technical difficulties with the updates. But God provides! One family from Kansas is in Taiwan meeting their new 6 year old daughter for the first time. And, they thought of us and sent some pictures of Maren.

Please pray for the 2 families who are currently in Taiwan to bring their children home. They are encountering difficulty with the consulate. Pray that God will make the way smooth for their visas so they can go home. Pray for God to give Holly and Trena (the missionaries who administrate the adoptions) favor, wisdom, and the right words to say in these appointments.