We Go Together

Maren has been home for a little over 3 months. People often ask us how bonding is going. Some people offer commentary saying, "she looks like she has bonded now". This is our first adoption. We are newbies. We feel "bonding" is going very well. And, we believe bonding is not a one time thing.

Bonding is not something that can be calculated or comes to a definitive end. It is an ongoing process that takes time. It is about relationship and growing trust and love. We loved Maren so much before we ever met her. And we are more attached to her

today than ever. Tomorrow I believe we will know her a little better and our connection will be even stronger.

We have been very purposeful, intentional, and careful for the past 3 months with Maren for her long term good. This has not been easy. Our actions have only been with her best interest in mind. She needs us in a very special way. She needs to learn who her family is first. She needs to know that we are her primary caregivers and nurturers. We are different than other people.

I have learned a lot through my research on adoption and bonding. You can see a few of my favorite books if you click here. Also, I have stumbled onto an amazing website by a specialist in child psychology. I would also like to link that here. These resources are especially for adoptive families. However, I think there is a lot of wisdom here for any parent or interested person.

Our social worker recommended at our first home visit in August that no one outside of our family would hold Maren for 6 months. We have chosen to follow her professional counsel. Others who adopt make different choices and that is o.k. Each family has to do what they believe is best for their child.

When we made this decision it was not about other people and what they would think and how they would react. We are aware that some people have felt excluded. People are dying to hold this precious little bundle. I can't blame them! She's wonderful! We empathize with others and have not wished to hurt them. However, if we don't give Maren what we believe she needs, who will? It is not easy to ask friends to wait. But six months is not long in the scheme of Maren' life.

Maren and I are always together. This is one of my greatest joys. We are making up for the time that we were half a world apart. She is learning that Alex and I are here for her. We want to meet her needs. I have taken full responsibility for all of her feedings because I want her to know I am her mommy. I nursed our first 4 children and I want to give her the same priority, love, and commitment as her brothers and sisters.

Our house is not as clean as I would like. I am more tired than I had been before she came home. Alex and I are rarely alone. But, I don't have an ounce or a minute of regret. I am trying to fully soak in and enjoy this time which goes all too quickly. I can't believe we are so close to her first birthday!

Adoption is a passion of mine. Alex and I are praying and seeking the Lord about the future of our family. I would love to do this again some day.