Because Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Every time I have been pregnant people have asked awkward questions that have shocked and stung me. Here is a sampling of some zingers:

"You do know how this happens, don't you?"

"Was this pregnancy planned?"

"Are you sure that you're not having twins? My sister-in-law is pregnant and she is further along than you and she's a lot smaller than you."

"Are you sure you're not carrying multiples?"

"When are you due? Do you think you're going to make it? You look so uncomfortable."

Since we have made the decision to adopt Maren, our 5th child, a few people have asked, "5 children, how in the world are you going to afford this?" I group this question with the list of questions above not because of content but because of tone. The 2 people who have asked this have asked with a tone which (to me) sounds like disdain and disapproval of our decision.

I would like to address this question here because I have a hunch others maybe wondering the same thing. I will start by saying we really believe the Lord planted the dream of adoption in our hearts. It grew in our hearts since 1996. We believe we are destined to bring Maren into our family. And, the timing of our story is miraculous. We treasure what God has done and is doing! Since we believe adopting Maren is something that we are called to do and not something that we schemed we will rely on God as we wait to bring her home and when she is finally home and we roll up our sleeves to begin the task of parenting her. Bringing Maren into our home is a great joy and a dream fulfilled!

Alex read or watched something last year and he shared it with me. The gist of what he heard was that at the end of people's lives when they look back they don't wish for more stuff or that they would've spent more time at work. They wish they would've taken more time to love the people most important in their lives and that they would've risked more to follow the dreams of their hearts.

1. God is our provider. We believe in the God of the Bible who teaches us that He will provide for our needs. We stand on Matthew 6:25-34. We believe that we will have what we need for each day that we need it. So first, we plan to ask our Father in heaven to take care of us and we believe that He will. He has provided for our family this far and do not expect Him to abandon us in the days ahead.

2. We view children as a reward. The pslams directly teach that children are a gift or a reward from God. And, they are a blessing. They are not a liability. They are not a drudgery. We are thrilled that our home is full and loud. We delight in the thought of how many grandchildren and great grandchildren we will have. I am so happy that I will not be lonely in my old age. I heard a statistic a few years ago that less than .03% of Americans have 7 or more children. I'll let you in on my little secret, ever since that day part of me has wanted to reach for 7 or more.

I enjoy the differences of my children and their personalities, abilities, interests, and looks. I enjoy looking at them and seeing their familial similarities as well. I love that they are "Brodines". It has been so much fun! Who knows who Adalynne, Joseph, Eleanor, Samuel, and Maren will become? I cannot wait to find out and that's PRICELESS.

3. We have lived in a 3rd world country and we recognize that living in America makes us a privileged and elite people. I don't have a statistic but I have read that we are in the top 30% of the world just by living in this country. Calling 9-1-1 is a privilege. Central heat and air conditioning is a privilege. Alex and I are both overweight, another privilege. We have never been hungry or not eaten (unless by choice) for 1 day or even 1 meal. Americans have the best medical and dental care in the world. Do people even realize what we have in this country? Owning a car is a privilege (we have 2). My house helper in Sudan only owned 3 sets of clothes. Even living on 1 income you should look into my drawers and closets. They are overflowing. We have multiple pairs of shoes. Chocolate chip cookies are a privilege not a necessity. Christmas gifts are a privilege. Toys are a privilege. Computers are a privilege. Come on Americans! I am not even talking about name brands yet. The thought of what people believe we need is sickening. The middle class in Sudan brings home about $60 a month. A lot of children available for adoption are coming out of third world countries so give me a break, please. I think American families, even lower income ones, have a lot to share.

4. Our God cares about the fatherless. He said in James, "True religion is this, to care for the widows and orphans in their affliction." There are crowded orphanages in China where toddlers cannot toddle or talk because no one is there to help them learn. There may be 30 infants to 2 orphanage workers. Babies who should be sitting up, can't. Babies who should cry when they need something, don't because no one comes when they do. They have learned to conserve their energy and live existences with out a lot of love and stimulation. They are underweight and not thriving. The orphanage workers do their best but they are low on funding and only have 2 arms and probably are on the brink of exhaustion. Alex and I have heard the plight of orphans and we believe we can share our love and our bodies and our home with someone who needs it. This is one of the most thrilling things of my life. I can't wait and I believe I would do it again and again and again if the Lord opened the door.

5. Our children will not have the finest of possessions but I pray Isaiah 44:3-5 over my family. And, I pray that each of my children will have eternal life and that our descendants will be called "THE LORD's". Living a life that people middle and upper class America would label "poor" is an opportunity to display the wealth we have in Christ. Heaven holds our true wealth and having many children on less money forces me to look at God in Heaven and want my treasure there. What good is it if you gain the whole world and lose your soul? I do not want my hope to be here and rooted in my possessions. This is not always easy for me but I believe in the bottom of my heart it is the better thing.

I have asked myself "What are we doing?" I will not be able to buy her everything that I would like. So, is this a good idea? We would have more with less people.

I am in the prime of my mothering. I understanding the stages of my children's development from first hand experience. Sleepless nights are hard but they don't get me down the way they did my first time around. I am "broken in". I know what to expect. I am not perfect but weathered. I read to them. I sing to them. I am home with them. And, I have Jesus. This reality trumps all others.

7. It is not so much what you have but how you manage it. There are people with huge salaries and even larger debts because they choose to live above their means. The human heart is a desire factory and we never get "enough". We always want just a little bit more.

8. Since becoming parents we delight more in God's grace. We are completely overwhelmed at our personal poverty in parenting. But, because of this incredible lack we have tasted the Lord's grace and found it to be sufficient for our needs. I love the dependence on the Lord that I have experienced so far and look forward to more grace as we learn to parent Maren. Mothering drives me to God's word and my knees and that is a good thing.